V.Vizard! 14

I can't really get over last Sunday's events. That old gypsy... Foretelling my dream this accurately is definitely suspicious.

There's also the issue of how Homei gave me a lap pillow for the entire day until next morning. I feel bad for her, having to sit like that until I wake.

... And now I have an even bigger problem.

There's someone outside my door, wanting to get in. It's not Homei, because she usually comes at a precise time, at 3pm, and she has a special pattern of knocking the door. This person... She comes at 4.12pm, knocks on my door furiously, and the situation is really starting to reach the point that I might have to call the cops.

"Vance~ Let me in~"

She's been wailing for a while now, at that same line. I dare not answer her or she might just get more and more persistent.

... She sounds familiar... Almost as if, as if I've talked to her before. Maybe... Just maybe, I really do know this person!

"Who are you?"

I... hear sobbing sounds.

"How could you forget me so quickly? It's me! Ranko! Ranko de Blois! Let me in!!!"

... Who's that again?

"Have we met?"

"We met two weeks ago! I'm the v.vitch that controls fire!"

Ahh, miss de Blois. That... groovy-looking brunette who was supposed to-

"If you don't open this door for me right now, I will burn it down."

... Barbarian!...

I opened the door and let her in. Without even taking her shoes off, she tries to step into the house, and I had to stop her before she took them off willingly.

As if the cleanliness of my house could be saved by having her remove her shoes...

"Hey, Vance? Do you have any beer or wine here?"

Why would I keep drinks in my house? In fact, why would a v.vizard ever need to drink alcohol?

"Uhm... Miss de Blois... I don't have have alcohol at home..."

"Liar! What is that on the shelf then?!"

She points at a glass bottle, with a 'Watermelon Cider' tag, at the top shelf of my cabinet.

"That's just random pieces of leftover food fermented into a cleaning agent- OH MY LORD, DON'T ACTUALLY DRINK THAT!!!"

She actually tried to drink my cleaning agent!! Oh my lord! This is just absolute recklessness on her end!

Opening the cork on top, Miss de Blois released the fetid gases trapped inside the bottle into the air. We both had to hold our noses in pain because the stench was overwhelming.

"Close the bottle! Close it, hurry!! It stinks really really bad!!"

"I have NEVER had cider this horrendous before!"

... She's wasted.

So much for being a powerful v.vitch, she doesn't even follow the whole purity maintenance procedure.

*** ***

At least she's quieted down now. She had to take up my whole couch, but it's better than having her sleep and drool over my nice, clean floor.

She seemed to be pretty vexed at something. I wonder what it is. The only time I've seen a woman want to drink to forget her sorrow is when a man cheated on her- ...

... I wonder how her man cheated on her. Did he go something like 'It's over between us.' Or maybe he just got her hopes up and went like "Baby, you know I love you," but he stood her up during their big date with a nasty letter. Or maybe something like 'I've been lying to you all the long! I never loved you! I loved your money!' along these lines. It's quite common for young, or, okay maybe not that young, women like her to be appealed to another man who shows intimacy towards her or something, only to be scammed later.

"Who were you talking to, Vance?"

... ? She's still awake?

"You just said 'I love you' out of nowhere, but you're not even holding a phone or anything, were you talking to me?"

"Rest assured, whatever I said, was not directed at you."

... That was close.

I have GOT to keep these mental impersonations to myself more carefully. She's going to go "Kyahahahahahaha, you speak out your mental impersonations by mistake, what a crazy man!" if she ever found out.

... Why do I feel like I just spoke that one out loud too?

Turning around, I see a face of bewilderment.

She's staring straight at me, checking my psyche.

"I... can explain."

*** ***

"By the way, I do NOT laugh in such a disgusting manner, Vance. I don't particularly care about your delusions, but if you are going to impersonate me, at least do a good job of it."

"Sorry, Miss de Blois. I just thought your laugh would sound like that."

"Me? Laugh like that? O~Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho~"

!! "!!"

... "..."

That was really unexpected. She just made the situation really awkward on herself.

"Sh- shut up! So what if I laugh like that?"

Clearing my throat, I attempt to mimic that exact same laugh, to clear the heavy air.

"O~Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho~"

... I feel so womanly laughing like that. I feel like one of those 55 year old rich aunties who have nothing better to do other than gossip and shop and waste money unnecessarily.

She just stared at me in absolute surprise. She probably didn't expect the man next to her to imitate her nor display such an awkward face.

With a moment of silence, we both burst out into normal laughter.

Miss de Blois is actually pretty fun to get along with.

"You're a really funny man! I haven't met a man who's as cheeky and mischievous enough to replicate my laugh in my face."

... Man?

"Speaking of which, Miss de Blois, how did you even find this place?"

"I got your address from Dekon, about two weeks ago."

Figures.

"I figured as much... And so, what brings you to this... humble home of mine?"

"My... My boyfriend thinks I'm a cougar or something."

... I didn't expect THAT. I thought Miss de Blois was a virgin?

"I'm still a virgin, how could I possibly be a cougar? But he didn't even think from my end, you know? He just heard one bad rumour that isn't true and he... He..."

Her voice was cracking up. She seemed to be at her limit.

"... He wanted to break up... With me... All because of his own reputation..."

It's really hard to believe a person as... attractive as her is an unwed virgin. Had that boyfriend known that she's a v.vitch and that Dekon's just there to accompany her, he'd probably go like "Well, I just find it hard to believe that you're this pretty, rich, groovy and sexy, and can still remain a virgin!" or something. From a normal person's point of view, that's actually pretty natural. 

"You... just tried to imitate my boyfriend, didn't you?"

?! Ahh, I've done it again. Curses! "Yeah, I did."

"That was... pretty good, actually. I would have expected him to say something like that too had he known I was a v.vitch."

... ! She... Could it be... !

She's... The second person in the world, to understand my bad habit!

That makes me feel really relieved. Finally, someone else besides Sue understands when my bad habit acts up! I don't have to be afraid of screwing up in front of her! Ahh, that makes me so comfortable all of a sudden.

"Thank you. Thank you so much, Miss de Blois."

"?"

"You are the second, the SECOND person in the world, to understand me when my bad habit acts up. That's a huge honour."

"Really? Wow. I feel like... I feel like I've achieved something great. So, who's the first?"

"My colleague, Sue!"

Her face frowned and paled a bit upon hearing that.

"You have a girlfriend already, Vance?"

What? Why would she think like tha- Oh right. The way I call Sue is really misleading. Even so, I insist on calling Sue like so.

"No, no, Sue's short for Soo Choi Jong. He's a Korean at my workplace. I can be considered the ace of my whole team, and he's my fastest coworker. Don't worry. He may look girlish, but once you see his bulging man breasts and stomach, you will never look at him the same way again."

"O~ Ho ho ho ho ho ho~ Really? I have a coworker, her name is Li Siew, she looks too masculine for her own good. She's in love with some guy from another department, and that guy is a complete toady. He acts all pumped up and nice and sweet with her, but we all know he recognised my boss's inspection patterns and purposely made himself look good."

"Oh, don't get me start on that one, Miss de Blois. My leader, the Chief Engineer, he's a pretty horrid bootlicker too. My line of work is maintenance of machines, so there is no need to stay the whole day, but he does it on purpose to make himself seem motivated and 'experienced' at the job. He can't even repair things at half my pace, and yet he just pretends to be busy by opening up panels and pretending to have parts to replace."

"I know, right? Those guys are just horrid! That guy from my other department, Kurtharie, once got sabotaged by the Holmes guy Li Siew likes, and..."

We talked through the whole evening and night just like this.

*** ***

"Hello, Vance. You looked a lot more drained than usual."

"Yeah well, I talked a bit too much with someone else. We ended up talking throughout the entire night."

"Wow. Who did you talk with for the whole night, Homei?"

How could it be Homei? She probably hasn't even lived long enough to tell me enough interesting stories for 14 hours.

"Nah, it's not Homei. It's a 37 year old lady named Ranko de Blois. We chatted the whole night, and I don't really have the energy to talk anymore, so let's leave this as it is, okay?"

"You two must be like, lovers to talk that long."

"That's not possible. Don't even think about it, Sue. She's not marriage material. Not at all. I wouldn't consider her at all if I had to pick between her and Homei."

In no less than 14 hours, I have become kindred spirits, or, as she likes to call it, BFFs, with Miss de Blois.